Archive: March, 2010
A Present For The Internet*
* Especially for Metalia
Last night I had a Twitter conversation with Metalia in which I admitted that I had been in a child pageant. I feel like after she did this for me I owed her, and to be honest after blogging for almost 7 years, I’m not really sure why I’ve never spoken about this before.
I was 12. I think I saw the pageant advertised in a magazine. I begged my mom to let me send in an application. She let me.
I was chosen to be one of the contestants in the Pageant.
After arriving at the luxurious Holiday Inn in Suffern, New York we realized that they pageant organizers pretty much accepted anyone who filled out an application. These girls were not exactly the pick of the litter.
Myself included:
This was the outfit we had to wear for the opening dance number. I believe the word you are looking for is “jaunty”.
The pageant was run by the gayest man on the planet. Who was married. To a WOMAN. And had three kids.
For the talent competition I danced to Do You Love Me because I was obsessed with the movie Dirty Dancing. I am a good dancer when it comes to shaking my ass at a club, but horrible at choreography, so I basically got up on stage and ad-libbed. And because I was obsessed with Dirty Dancing, I danced like the people in Dirty Dancing, which means I lifted up my skirt and flirted with the judges.
I won the talent competition. Sex sells! (OH MY GOD I WAS 12.)
I also won “Miss Photogenic”, which if you look at the photographs will further my earlier statement- slim pickings.
For the evening gown portion of the pageant my hair was the star of the show:
The hair and the flirting with the judges must have worked because I won. I was “Miss American Sweetheart”.
Not only did I win, but like any good pageant participant, I ugly cried when they announced my name and pinned the crown to my head. I cried for two reasons- 1) I was EXHAUSTED and 2) To be honest- I was going through an awkward phase and had no self esteem, so winning actually meant something to me.
Shortly after I won the pageant I had to ride on a float in the Columbus Day Parade in Manhattan. Sounds like fun, right? Try holding your arm up and waving for three hours straight. I couldn’t lift my arm the next day.
I also made an appearance on The Joe Franklin Show during which Joe asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I responded “That’s kind of personal”. (OH MY GOD I WAS SO OBNOXIOUS.)
The next year I had to go back to host, and things were a lot different. I was 13 now, bitches. I was too cool for this pageant. I was such an ungrateful asshole. I would show you pictures, especially of the head-to-toe blue taffeta gown that my mother had custom made for me, but I refused to let her take any pictures. I was America’s Fucking Sweetheart after all.
New House
When we moved out of Manhattan to the suburbs a little less than two years ago our priorities for a place to live were a little different than they are now. We wanted something CHEAP. And so, the place we’ve been living in has an acoustic tile ceiling with fluorescent lights in the living room (lovely), a blue bathtub and toilet in one bathroom and a painted (Yeah, I don’t know why either) shower in the other bathroom, and wood paneling by the back door. Oh, and the backyard is literally composed of three things- a hill of dirt, a cement patio (fun when we moved here with a kid who had just learned to walk), and, no joke, a pile of rocks.
Our lease was going to be up and my husband was finally making more than slave wages, so we started looking for a new place. Our options were limited because we a needed a place that my husband could walk to the train from.
Well, we found it.
It’s has 3 bedrooms (now we will have a guest room so my mom doesn’t have to sleep on the couch when she comes for a visit), and 2 1/2 baths- all with stone floors, nice tiles, and nice fixtures. The living room/dining room/kitchen is one big open space, so Willa can be eating or playing while I’m doing stuff in the kitchen. There is a big finished basement that will be set up as a playroom so we don’t have toys everywhere like we do now. The garage entrance is right off the living room instead of having to walk through the basement and up a flight of stairs like we do now. The master bedroom has a walk-in closet that is so huge in Manhattan it would be considered another room. The washer and dryer are on the 2nd floor, so I don’t need to drag everything up and down stairs like I do now. And, the backyard? GRASS. What a concept!
Here are some pictures. They are crappy- I took them with my Iphone- but it will give you an idea of what it looks like. When we have access to the house again (April 15th) I’ll take pictures of each room.
This will be the nicest place I’ve ever lived. It makes me misty just thinking about it. I’ve been living in crappy places my whole life. I almost feel weird about living in a decent place. It’s a rental, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make it feel like a home.
The thing that I’m so excited about is decorating the new place. I’m going to take my time and do it right.
We have several pieces of crappy furniture that we will be selling at our garage sale or donating. Most of it is crappy particle board stuff that I bought when I was 19. Which means will will need to get a few new pieces.
We’ve already ordered a new couch for the living room. We got it at Mitchell Gold & Bob Williams which is an eco-friendly company. We even had it upholstered in eco-friendly material. I highly recommend Mitchell Gold & Bob Williams- our salesperson was great and he gave us 20% off!
Our old couch and chair will go in the basement.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what color schemes I’m going to use in each room.
In our bedroom I’m hoping to paint the walls a light gray and get some Flor tiles in a bit of a darker gray. Our bed linens and accessories will be mostly blue with a few touches of red. I got the idea for blue and red from a painting that was my grandmother’s that hangs in our bedroom.
Willa’s room will be similar to what she has now- pale blues, greens, yellows, and if she has her way, some touches of pink.
I’m thinking of painting the basement a pale yellow to brighten it up. I’m also thinking of using green accessories (The couch and the chair are boring beige).
The living/dining/kitchen area is a blank canvas. The fabric we ordered the couch in is a neutral- sort of a nubby sandy color with chocolate flecks. I figured we could bring color into the room with accessories and chairs. I’m thinking of doing a red/orange/yellow color scheme.
One thing we know for sure- any new pieces we bring in will be eco-friendly. I might make an exception for the occasional decorative pillow, but all of the paint, furniture, rugs, linens, etc. will be eco-friendly. I’m willing to buy furniture at a garage sale or antique shop if it’s a good solid piece.
I’ve been doing a lot of research on line looking for eco-friendly products. It seems almost everyone has at least something eco-friendly these days- Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn, West Elm, etc.
I’ll be taking you guys along for the ride as I decorate the new house. It will probably take a while- I don’t want to run out and buy a bunch of new stuff right away. I want to take our time and find the right pieces.
I’d love to hear from you guys about your design inspiration- what color combinations do you love? Where do you shop for eco-friendly products? Any inspiring design web sites that you recommend?
LOVE
This:
http://www.emmohome.com/design-house-stockholm-umbrella-stand.html
Things I’m “Supposed” To Like, But Don’t
Off the top of my head-
Movies:
Get Shorty
Heat
Star Wars
Juno
Casablanca
My Own Private Idaho
O Brother Where Art Thou
Food and Drink:
Wine
Beer
Olives
Goat Cheese
Onions
Black Pepper
Cooked Fruit
Coffee
Music:
Alicia Keys
Def Leopard
Morrisey
The Cure
Bruce Springsteen
TV:
Law and Order
Books:
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Shakespeare
I’m sure the minute I post this I’ll think of more, but that’s all I could think of now.
What are yours?
